True safe sex

Usually we sexual health folks say safer sex, because it ain’t truly safe unless it’s abstinence, but this here is as safe as it gets. From a classic movie, The Naked Gun, that I haven’t seen since I was a little boy. This is the kind of scene that got me excited in my pre-pubescent days, and excites me now for very different reasons.

I think this is real…

But yet this advice on how to pick out a condom brand kept reminding me of my man Smoove B from The Onion — which means I was laughing hysterically. The internet can be brilliant, life-saving, hilarious, and completely asinine.

Condom dude is back

My one dedicated reader has asked that I make a (less-than-triumphant) return to the blogosphere. And it was a few weeks ago I came across this ad — or “pub,” as it’s called in French, pronounced “pube” with a French accent — and thought, I think it’s about time I return the Condomologist to his proper place. So the blog is back, with slightly less commitment, but again open to the viewing pub-lic. Man I love me some French ingenuity. Enjoy!

Trash Talk with Condom Ads

My partner in crime on the rap stage, dude named TWise living down in Mexico, put me on to this hilarious ad from condom company Tulipan, some pre-match intimidation prior to Argentina facing off against Brazil in soccer.

Condoms for Camels

Courtesy of Comic’s Voice:

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What’s that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel.

My dream pillow

Anyone looking to buy an expensive gift for the Condomologist can head over to Etsy and purchase the one remaining (at press time) hand silkscreened giant condom pillow with giant fabric condom. (Not sure what the fabric condom is for, but I’ll happily wear it next Halloween — with holes poked out to see through, of course.)

Vietnam Condom Boutique Goes Upscale

 From a story out of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam:

In Vietnam’s fast-growing commercial capital Ho Chi Minh City, most people buy cheap condoms from no-frills roadside kiosks, at the drug store or in supermarkets.

But two brothers have opened an upmarket condom boutique here, saying customers want more choice and more sophisticated options — even in a country known for being socially conservative, where sex education is taboo.

The shop, called Volcano, makes no attempt to hide what it’s selling. Condom boxes are stuck to the glass doors of the tiny store, the walls are painted pink and shelves are stacked with condoms from across Asia.

“To open this shop we spent more than 20 million dong,” but first-week sales reached around 1.5 million dong and revenue now exceeds 10 million dong per week, [shop owner Nguyen Hoang] Long says.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist when I found out that Vietnamese currency was called the Dong.

Bad condom ideas

From Fail Blog, via my friend Josh, who often sends me condom-related links which I’ve already posted about, comes Josh’s poorly thought-out line of condoms. (Ok, they’re not really his, but that’s what he wrote in an email, so he gets full credit for both the find and the condoms.) Josh is a murse and a really good one at that. We need more murses in the world — as long as they aren’t creating their own line of condoms.

 

Bizarro Condom Ads

From the folks at Web Urbanist comes some creative condom advertising, including some new ones I’d never seen before. The first one’s kinda trippy and clever, and most importantly the message is sex-positive and encourages sexual exploration. The second ad depicts Lil’ Wayne getting arrested, and as his pockets are emptied, the cop finds condoms — the message being at least he’s going down “strapped.” I found it wonderfully ironic, in that my initial reaction was (and still is), I’m surprised Wayne would want to promote condoms by implying that he likes it from behind from another dude. Maybe he can unintentionally do more to eradicate homophobia and promote safer sex among hip-hoppers than he ever desired or thought possible. So Wayne, I request that in addition to your endorsement of Strapped Condoms, you be the one to record the informational video on the site (instead of the white ladies who currently do the voice-overs), since the condoms are clearly targeting the black community. You’d make it much more enjoyable to listen to.

What did the penis say to the condom?

Cover me up, I’m going in.